When Your Child Uses Bad Language

Think about it

“You’re a poopy-head!” Children find references and jokes about private body parts, waste products and body sounds hysterically funny. At a very young age they have figured out that certain words have a distinctively forbidden aura. Many children go through the phase of exploring these words. While normal, it still is socially inappropriate, and the sooner you take action, the sooner it will stop.

What to do

Ignore the first offense

If your young child innocently injects the word into his conversation, he may just be repeating something he heard. The best first defense is to ignore his first time using the word.  If you hear your child use the word a second time, it’s clear that he’s ready to learn more about improper language. Older kids know what they are saying – so address it the first time, but politely.

Teach your child what is socially inappropriate.

Children are famous for repeating words that they hear, even if your child might not know what some words mean.  This is how they grow their vocabulary, by repeating.  Your little one likely doesn’t know the definition of the word, but is using it because of mimicking someone else. Identify the word and explain to the child, “That is not a word children use.” Or “That’s not something we joke about in this house.”

Keep an eye on siblings, friends and other adults.

You must first figure out where your child is picking up a swear words or off-color joke. Friends? Older siblings? Playmates? (Certainly not from you!) This will be a great lesson to have with your child about the power and meaning of words, why people swear or use unacceptable words, what you feel is acceptable, and to provide some appropriate alternatives to use when they are tempted to use the wrong word.

Monitor television shows and movies

Watch what shows are on the television in the background.  Even if your child is in the room, but playing, some shows can impact their vocabulary.  Children are able of picking up background words, even when they are busy playing.

Willow, 21 months

What not to do

Don’t laugh.
Even if it’s funny.  If you laugh, they will think that it is entertaining to say that word, so you’ll likely hear more of it!

Don’t get angry.
You child might have innocently repeated a word or phrase he heard in conversation, or use a word that he picked up from someone else, and be confused by your anger. “Why was it okay for Daddy to say that in the car, but it’s not okay for me to say it?”

Don’t express shock or offense.

It is most unlikely that your child understood what he was saying. This is normal childish exploration of language. It just needs to be defined and corrected.

Mother-speak:

“Abby and I had a very interesting conversation about swear words yesterday. It went like this:

Abby:  Mommy, we can’t say “sh*t”?

Mommy:  Well, it’s not a nice word.

Abby:  It hurts people’s feelings?

Mommy:  It can hurt people’s feelings, yes.

Abby:  But YOU sayed “sh*t”

Mommy <gulp>:  Well, ummm, yes, I have. But I only say it when I am really angry, or when I’m hurt, like when I burned my thumb.

Abby <thoughtfully>:  Mama, if I burn MY thumb, may I say “sh*t”?

These days Abby is so into linguistics that she was clearly just asking for information. It’s not like I could get angry with her for that!”

Jenn, mother to Abigail, age 3

Read The No-Cry Discipline Solution for more ideas & inspiration.