Ouch! My Child Bit Me!

“When I was getting my son dressed this morning he got upset over my choice of shirt for him. As I was putting it over his head he bit my arm. I was so startled by this that I nearly cried!” ~ Rachel, mom to 2-year-old Trevor

First: Think about it.
It’s natural to be shocked or hurt by your child’s actions, but rest assured that your little one didn’t intend to injure you; he just couldn’t find the right words or actions to get his point across, and a quick bite seemed like the right solution. It helps when you understand that this behavior is normal, and that it’s usually not intentional misconduct. Nonetheless, it is something you’ll want to put a halt to – immediately. This is an opportunity to teach him a lesson in social skills. Here are some tips on what to do next time it happens.

Respond humanly
Go with your natural response. Say “Ouch! That hurts!” Your startled response will send a message to your child that what just happened wasn’t a good thing. He may even start to cry which indicates his understanding that he hurt you. You can then encourage him to apologize and give you a hug.

Watch for early signs of frustration
When you see that your child is unhappy, angry, or frustrated, help him to express his feelings with words. You may need to even start him out by giving him the specific words he needs such as, “I can see that you don’t want to wear this shirt. You can say to me, ‘Mommy, I don’t want this one.’”

Respond firmly
Use a no-nonsense voice and tell your child, “Stop! No biting. It hurts. Use your words.”

Avoid biting him in play
Children are so incredibly sweet that parents sometimes nibble their little fingers, toes, or bellies. Parents sometimes play biting games with young children such as saying, “See if you can put your finger in my mouth without it chomping shut.” Doing these things, though, might confuse your child who may have a hard time understanding when a bite is okay, and when it’s not. So if you have a child who has taken a bite out of you or a playmate, it is best if you avoid playful biting.

What not to do

Don’t bite your child back

You don’t have to demonstrate to make your point. This might reinforce his idea that biting is a feasible solution to a problem. It certainly will create confusion about what you are trying to teach.

Don’t respond in a distressed, angry or pleading way
If you overreact or accuse your child of intentionally hurting you, you might frighten him and prevent him from learning a valuable lesson from the experience.

Don’t worry
There’s nothing “wrong” with your child and he isn’t bad. He’s reacting in a very normal way for his stage of development.

Don’t ignore a repeated problem
If your child continues to bite others, even after you’ve tried everything, it might help for you to talk to a family counselor for advice.