Q&A with Elizabeth: Yelling, Sharing, and Dawdling

Why do I always have to yell for my kids to do what I ask? ~ Lesley, mother to 2-year-old Lucy, 4-year-old Aiden and 6 year old Gloria

Yelling a common reflex when your kids aren’t doing as you ask. But it’s not a productive way to gain cooperation. Instead, make a short, clear statement. Describe what you see, or describe the problem: Your coat is on the floor, it will get dirty. The dog will get out if you leave the door open. The milk will spoil if you leave it on the counter. Usually, children will understand your point and then respond properly – and maybe learn something in the process.

Langston

I’ve told my kids over and over and OVER to share nicely, but they keep fighting over toys, food, turns on the swing, and which seat on the sofa! Now I finally get why my mother used to say, ‘How many times do I have to tell you’! Why can’t they get it? ~ Robin, mother of Henry and Anna

Sharing is a complex concept – and it cannot be learned in one session. Furthermore, children cannot easily apply what they’ve learned in one situation to another. So even minor variations create new scenarios – for example, learning to share toys at home isn’t easily transposed to sharing the swing at the park.

What this means is that you must teach the same lessons over and over and over and over again in many different ways until, perhaps, your children will master the idea. Even then, just because a child knows what sharing is doesn’t mean she’ll always share!

Tristan, 2

Why do kids dawdle so much? I say ‘Get ready to go’ and 15 minutes later we still aren’t out the door! How do I speed them up? ~ Joann, mother to Mason and Courtney

Children live according to a much slower clock than adults do. You can move a dawdler along in these ways:

• Make step-by-step requests. Give one or two tasks at a time, and when complete, assign the next.
• Make a list of tasks to be completed. Give the list to your child with a pencil to cross things off.
• Give an incentive to finish with a “When/Then” statement, such as: “When you are dressed, then you can have your snack.”

Check your child’s sleep routines. Kids who aren’t getting enough sleep will lack energy, move slowly and dawdle.

Alex and Hassi

It takes an hour to walk two blocks to the market with my 3-year-old! She’s got to inspect bug and give it a name. Other than putting her in a stroller every time, do you have any ideas? ~ Shreya, Mother to 3-year-old Anjali

Capitalize on your daughter’s interest and imagination as a way to move her along. Pretend to find a trail of caterpillars on the way to the store, imagine that a bug just a few yards ahead is calling her, or even pretend to be bugs yourself and march to the market.

It’s delightful to see how a potentially negative situation can be turned into a fun and cooperative experience by changing the focus.

Need more tips? The No-Cry Discipline Solution has gentle ways to encourage good behavior.