Common Parent Complaint, “My Child Won’t Cooperate”

I hear similar questions and complaints from parents all around the world every day, and often they are about this topic:

“How can I get my kids to cooperate with me?”

“I’m always nagging my children, and it doesn’t do any good!”

“My requests get ignored, but then they get mad when I nag!”

“I’m constantly making requests, yet my children won’t do what I ask. I get tired of hearing my own voice!”

 

 

A Major Issue

Cooperation is such a big issue simply because there are so many things that we must get our children to do (or stop doing) on a daily basis. Parents often feel like they are in a frustrating rut, dreading every battle that comes their way throughout the day. While there is a way out, it’s not one that will occur on its own. Encouraging cooperation takes consistent, effective, gentle parenting skills. It takes practice, patience, and persistence on your part to get your children to cooperate willingly with you on a regular basis.

Keep reading for a few ways to change your approach so that you are no longer praying for bedtime…

 

Be Specific

When you start a sentence with a question like, “Will you…? Could you…? Would you…?” it sounds like compliance is optional. Get into the habit of speaking in a clear, direct, concise way. “Please, put your shoes in the closet and your socks in the hamper.” “Wash your hands and come to the table.” “Please put your cars back in the bin and close the lid.”

 

Set Priorities

Use the “When/Then” technique, which is also fondly known as “Grandma’s Rule.” This technique helps your child understand the proper sequence of events. This way of stating things is much more pleasant than the alternative method of yelling. For example…

• “No! You can’t play video games. You need to do homework!”
  vs
  “When you finish your homework, then you may play your new game.”
  

 

• “Put that book down and go put on your pajamas!”
  vs
  “As soon as your pajamas are on, we will read a book together.” 

• “Where are you going? Get back here and do the dishes!”
  vs
  “The minute the dishes are washed, you can go out and ride your bike.”

 

 

 

Give Choices

Offering your child a choice often dissipates arguments. For example…

 

• “Would you like to sweep the floor or dry the dishes?”

• “Do you want an apple for snack, or some carrots and dip?

• “What do you want to do first, put on your pajamas or brush your teeth?”

• “Do you want to read on the couch or in your bedroom?”

• “Would you like to start homework at 6:00 or 6:30?”

 

If your child creates a third option (I want a cookie!), simply say, “That wasn’t one of the choices.” Then re-state your original options. If your child refuses to pick, then you can choose — and follow through. Let your kid know that next time you’ll offer a choice again.

 

Use Humor

A bit of silliness can quickly lighten up a situation and gain more cooperation with fewer battles. Bringing humor into your parenting doesn’t mean that you are giving in, it simply means that you are having a better attitude about your parenting.

Many of the day to day battles don’t warrant major frustration and handling things in a more cheerful way often brings better results. Try singing in an opera voice or using an accent. (Take note: Dads often seem to be great at this style of parenting.)

 

Stay Calm

It can be hard to not let your emotions run the show, but it is so important for you to remain calm so that the situation doesn’t escalate. Don’t yell, threaten, criticize, or belittle. Instead, take a step back and ask yourself what the problem is. Then answer yourself with a statement of fact. “There are dirty dishes and snack wrappers in the family room!” Then take a pause to be quiet – and look to your children. They often know what the problem is and how to fix it. Remaining silent and calm gives your children the opportunity to solve the problem for themselves without any hard feelings.

 

 

Cooperation Games

Children love to be imaginative and turn everything into a game, so take advantage of that! Some games can become a regular part of your routine, while others may be a one-time solution. As you go through your day, consider changing your serious approaches into more fun-oriented ones. For example…

 

• “Pick up your toys and put them away in the toy bin.”
  vs
  “Let’s race! I bet I can pick up all the blue blocks before you pick up the red ones!”

• “Put your pajamas on – now!”
  vs
  “I am going to set the timer. Can you beat the bell by putting your pajamas on before it rings?”

 

 

Sing Songs

Music is another great way to keep the day moving more smoothly and easily. Sing songs while washing hands, driving in the car, and cleaning up. Everyday moments can be turned into funny personalized songs on the go, and the more you sing, the more your kids will join in.

 

Do Your Research

Raising children is a complicated job, and you can’t expect to master it without doing a little research. Read parenting books, practice new skills, and be reflective on how things are working. Everyone needs help from time to time, and there are so many books and resources available to you.

Since no two children are the same, there are no cookie-cutter solutions so you will need to take the time to research and weigh different options. Modify techniques and suggestions so that they suit your own personality as well as your child’s personality. Eventually you will discover your best answer.

 

Learn lots of new techniques and tips from The No-Cry Discipline Solution