Are you Sending Secret Messages to Your Children?

In their diligent efforts to be good teachers, many parents inadvertently treat their children in ways that they would never treat a friend! In their efforts to raise respectful children, they sometimes become so focused on the end goal that they don’t realize that the secret message coming through to their children is not a pleasant one.

Here’s what I mean:

Imagine that you’ve been invited to your friend’s home for dinner. Your friend welcomes you at the door, and you step inside and say hello. Interrupting you, your host yells, “What is the matter with you! Your shoes are all muddy and you’re getting my carpet dirty!” Embarrassed you mumble, “Sorry,” and remove your shoes. As you do, you notice the hole in your sock, and so does your friend, who announces, “Geez. Don’t you think you could have dressed properly for dinner? You look like a slob.” As you take your place at the table, your host knocks your elbow off the table with a whispered “tsk, tsk, where are your manners?” The dinner conversation is primarily your friend’s story about a guest that joined them for dinner last night who had lovely manners and no holes in her socks. The story is sprinkled with your friend’s occasional admonishments about your table manners. When you finish your meal you stand up only to hear your friend say, “It sure would be nice if somebody helped clear the table.”

How to Build a Foundation of Love, Trust and Respect
Take a close look at your own daily interactions with your children. Check to be sure that you aren’t focused so hard on improving your child’s behavior that your approach is insensitive or unforgiving. Make sure that the secret message to your child is, “I love you, I believe in you, and I respect you.” Children who are confident that they are loved and respected by the important adults in their lives will be able to learn good social skills, and they will respond overall in a much more pleasant way.

How do you get this message through to your children? First, by giving them what they want most from you – your time. Second, give them your ear. Children thrive when they have someone who really listens to them. It’s not as important to give advice and solve problems as it is to just plain listen. Third, praise and encourage your children daily. Look for reasons, both big and small, to give your children positive feedback. Fourth, tell them you love them. Tell them you believe in them. Tell them you respect them.

Daily, use your words, and your actions to convey these most important messages to your child, “I love you, I believe in you, and I respect you.”

Tips from The No-Cry Discipline Solution